Today you turned 8 months old. This morning your daddy brought you into my bedroom to tell me that he was leaving for work and I needed to get out of bed to be with you – I turned my head to look at you and when I did you squealed and smiled and your eyes light up – as if to say “here I am mommy – look at me! I’m eight months old today”. I grabbed you tight and pulled you away from daddy and into the bed with me – and before you got excited about being with mommy – you turned with a wiggle and smiled big at daddy – as if you were saying “I love you too daddy”. We spent a half an hour in the big bed this morning – talking, laughing, smiling with each other and I caught myself thinking that I could spend my entire life just doing nothing except playing with you; wouldn’t life be grand if that were the case?
I’ve been learning so much about you as I sit back at watch you grab tight to the reigns of life. I think you and I have the same curiosity about life – we both are wonderer’s and thoughtful people and I see this in you – the way you explore everything – the way you’d sit for ten minutes just twirling around a peek a block trying to figure out how to get to the little plastic puppy dog trapped inside. Even this morning as I pried the cat food out of your tiny hands I thought to myself that if I were your age I’d probably be really interested in what was in that dish too. I sometimes feel that your life is going by faster then I would want it to and while there are days that I wish I could watch your life in slow motion – I am very much in love with the vibrancy of how you change, everyday.
This morning when we were at baby club you had left me sitting without you because you wanted to crawl to the middle section where the toys were. It wasn’t very far away from me but I watched you in awe – picking up toys and trying to figure out how they worked. You sat there playing and I knew you were thinking about me – because every two minutes or so – you’d look up and over at me, smile with your two toothed grin as if you were saying “I’m right over here mom and I’m glad you’re still right there watching me”. One of the other mom’s tried to call you over to her and you got up on all fours as if you were going to her – then you stopped, sat up and turned to me, looking as if for my approval to spend time with another mommy – I smiled with my whole heart and said “go ahead Jacob” and off you went. I love that we have our own secret ways of communicating – I love that and I love everything about you.
Last night as I lay in bed I wondered if you knew how much I loved you – I wondered if I showed you enough and if you knew that I was your mother – and then we have days like today where in your own sweet and gently way you let me know “mom, I know how much you love me” – and then you smile at me, reach for me, touch my face and I confidently feel my heart warm because I know that you love me too. I imagine there will be days when you’re older where I will frustrate you, you might even become so angry one day that you say “mom I hate you” but I want you to know that no matter what I will always love you – nothing you could do could ever cause me to stop loving you – and I hope that you never have to say “mom I hate you” even if you don’t mean it and even if its only for a moment.
Your dad and I always joke that you will be our NHL hockey star or maybe our Major League Baseball grand slam hitter – and you can be one of those things if that is what you want – or you can be a musician, a banker, an astronaut, a chef, a policeman, a doctor – you be whatever you want to be my sweet child. I want you to live life with passion – a passion to become someone who lives life with a purpose – whatever that purpose may be. I hope that you are a dreamer like your daddy and I are – and then I hope that you step back, look at those dreams and go for them – no matter how difficult it may seem – we’ll be there for you sometimes carrying you, sometimes holding your hands, sometimes walking beside you, and sometimes watching from a distance – but wherever we are – whatever we are doing – we are loving you, encouraging you, and most importantly we are dreaming right along with you.
I can’t believe how much you’ve changed in such a short period of time. I feel like between 7 months and 8 months you’ve really started changing from a completely dependent newborn to a more independent, curious, and ambitious infant. I’m watching you crawl, stand, smile, get teeth, eat, and sit up on your own and I feel like I am winning a great prize in life – watching you learn about the world has been the best thing I’ve ever experienced and I can’t wait for more Jacob…I can’t wait for more.
So as we celebrate your 8 month birthday today Jacob – here are my random thoughts for you.
Never stop being who you are – we love every inch of what and who you are becoming.
Your smile is the greatest part of my day – keep smiling and sharing it with the world so that the day’s of other people can be impacted by your smile too.
No matter where you are, no matter who you are with – at any given moment you can expect that I am thinking of you, loving you, and wishing I was with you.
Experience every second of being a child with the excitement and wonder you are showing us now – before we all know it – childhood has passed us by and we don’t marvel at the greatness of the world as much as we should – Thank you for letting me marvel again.
Never be afraid to show feeling and emotions – be happy when you are happy, be sad when you are sad, be joyous when you are joyous, be frustrated when you are frustrated – I will be right there with you, experiencing those emotions with you as if they were my own.
Think Big and Dream Bigger…
I love you Jacob, entirely