Random Mumblings…

Jacob fell flat on his face today. He was doing his normal walk along furniture thing and then decided that while Mama had her back turned, that he’d let go and try to do it by himself. He fell face first into the hardwood floor smacking his face and forehead on the ground – He cried hard and I almost cried too. I scooped him up and tried to sooth him and after about 15 seconds of strong hard cries he calmed down enough for me to inspect his face and head. There did not seem to be any bruises, bumps, cuts, etc. so I continued to comfort him. While we were rocking together in the chair, he fell fast asleep. I’ve been watching him for the past hour while he sleeps and he seems ok – I woke him up once and he smiled at me, put his pacifier in his mouth and fell back asleep. I think he’s ok but obviously I’m worried as any mother would be when their infant experiences a fall and ends up fast asleep shortly after. I shouldn’t be too alarmed…this is clearly the time everyday that he takes a nap – so he has every right to be tired.

My head is throbbing today from lack of sleep last night – I couldn’t fall asleep last night until almost 1am and that’s unusal for me since I’m usually in bed by 1030pm. I usually stay awake till after 11pm on Monday’s when Mike goes out to play his nerdy trivia games – He usually doesn’t get hom till 11:15pm and I have a bad habit of staying awake until I know he’s home safely. I’ve taken two advil to try and get rid of this horrendous headache but its just not going anywhere and I doubt it is going to leave anytime soon. I liken a headache unto a drill that is trying to get through concrete – the kind of concrete that a drill could never get through so it just hammers and hammers away at it, just chipping pieces away.

I watched A Baby Story today – it was the first time I really paid any attention to it since having Jacob. It was as normal as any of their episodes, with the happy perfect smiling families and they’re perfectly healthy happy babies being born. I was just sort of bored with the show until the baby was actually born and it was placed on the Mom’s chest and the Mom and Dad fawned over the newborn and held it close – This caused me to realize how much I’d give to have that moment with Jacob, to have the situation that we went through reversed – to just be given a moment, just a minute moment in time to just have THAT experience with him. Obviously there is no going back, there will not be another moment after birth for Jacob – our experiences will always be different thent he “norm”…but what we have is special too….Ours is a story of strength, of overcoming, of watching him go from a level three NICU to being at home with us, to now. Everything happens for a reason they say – I sometimes wonder what the reason was for us that we had to deal with incubators and tubes and doctors instead of THAT one moment when people hold their babies and all the family comes in and gathers round – and everyone celebrates. I think people still celebrated with us – they just didn’t get to see him right away.

I’m rambling now.

Shut up Melissa

One thought on “Random Mumblings…

  1. I know what you mean. There are a lot of moments I wish I had that other mothers take for granted. I can’t watch those programs anymore, for me, they’re just fairy tales I’ll never have. I’m glad Jacob is doing okay after his fall. I’m amazed that he’s trying to walk! What a proud momma!

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