Jacob likes to put his pacifier in his mouth upside down – it’s his new favorite thing to do. Every now and then we’ll flip it back to normal for him and he’ll just pull it out and put it back in upside down. I’d like to believe that when he does this (flipping his pacifier back around after we’ve switched it) that in his own way he tells us that he doesn’t want to conform to how the world dictates things should be. I’d like to believe that he is already a distinct individual, telling everyone that he is who he is and they have to accept him that way – even if it means they have to look at him with an upside down pacifier.
When I reflect back on my own youth I remember a strong yearning to conform, to feel like I needed to look and act like everyone else. I remember wanting the same cool tennis shoes that everyone else wore and wanting to shop at the Gap and wear those GIANT gold hoop earrings that all the pretty girls wore – I think I tried too hard or maybe not hard enough cus I was never quite there. I wasn’t an outcast but I certainly wasn’t the most popular girl on the block. I really hope that Jacob never feels like that a day in my life – yet part of me knows that this is what is unfortunate about the world today – that there are too many expectations about how to be a youth and those expectations seem to come from their peers. I want him to be exactly who he wants to be – to play hockey if that’s what he wants to do, or dance ballet if that’s his hearts desire – I want him to be comfortable and in love with who he is. I want so much for him – because I know he deserves it.
I hope he continues to put his pacifier in upside down until the day he decides that that’s just not his style anymore – and then we’ll support him with his next thing – even if its wearing one pink sock and one blue.