Penis Talk

I had a recent conversation with a mother who has a son the same age as mine. We have not known each other very long and the chances that we will ever hang out are slim – we just don’t mesh well if that makes sense.

Anyways……

At a completely random part of our conversation she brings up the topic of circumcision by saying the following: “My son is uncircumsized….is yours?” After I’m done dislodging the starbucks scone from my airway, I sort of give her this blank look – the kind that reads “excuse me” and “huh?”. She continues to talk and I stuff more of the lemon cranberry goodness into my mouth thinking that it might prevent me from saying anything remotely stupid – “I prefer my sons to be uncut”…At this point I’m sure that if I had a vein on my forehead it would be throbbing and after swallowing my mouthful of scone I realize that I’m about to lose control of my words – so trying to restrain myself I spew out the most brilliant thing ever and it went like this…….

“HUH?”

Yup….this time I just said out loud what my face was saying the last time she spoke. She sort of looks at me – and she’s looking kind of confused, like she doesn’t understand what I’m thinking – and I’m confused because I need her to know how I’m feeling without me coming across as this total biatch of a mother. I quickly take a sip of my strawberry cream frappuchino and try with every effort I have to change the subject. I talk randomly about play groups and if she’s encountered any in the city that might be good for toddlers the same age as our sons.

She’s staring at me and shes confused because I didn’t answer her question and I know she wants an answer but I just can’t bring myself to say something….I’m wondering if she understands what’s going on for me at moment and I realize that she doesn’ t have a clue. I take another sip of my drink and shift my eyes around the room looking for the door or a clock – thinking maybe they have an excuse for me to get the heck out of there.

“I’m sorry” she says…..”Did I offend you”…..

She opened the door and I’m going to close it……

“It’s not that you offended me” I say….”It’s just that I don’t think its appropriate to ask someone you barely know about their child’s penis”….She’s staring at me and I’m not sure she’s absorbing what I’m saying very well so I continue adding….”I just would never ask someone else about their child’s penis in the middle of an every day converasation”….She’s staring…and I’m trying really hard to be nice…..

“Oh I’m really sorry”…..she says smiling at me….”Sometimes I get carried away when I’m eager to make friends”…..I smile back half heartedly and say “It’s ok, no harm done”….

She smiles….takes a sip of her coffee and says…”So is he circumsized or not?”….

I stuff the rest of my scone in my mouth…stand up and tell her we have to go….

She asked if I want her email so that we can get to know each other more…..I take it…hesitantly and for a moment I’m tempted to tell her she’s not very socialized – but then my sense comes back to me and I remember how badly I want out of that coffee shop.

The moral of the story….

Don’t ask people about their son’s penis’ or their daughter’s vagina…It’s creepy. Ok?

The "Special" Diner

Special Diners. Most people have one somewhere in the vicinity of their home and never go in. You probably walk past one a couple times per week and don’t even peer in the window for fear that you might be biten by a rat or possibly, sworn at by a drunk man sitting at a stool ….

We have one of these “special diners” by our house and much to the dismay of people not from our part of the neighborhood we eat there frequently with our 15 month old son. You see, if you can can get over the fact that from the outside it doesn’t look so pretty….and if you can overlook your feelings that if you sit down in the restaurant for too long you might leave with syphillis or gonorhea…..if you actually step inside the door, order some food, and eat it…you might find that its the best food you’ve tasted in a long time and for the best value.

As I said previously, we live near one of these “greasy spoon” type restaurants and would have never gone in if someone else had not told us they had the best breakfast on the block. Our response was something like this….”Oh really? We thought they were only serving up S.T.D.’S and alcoholics in there!” Reluctantly a couple years ago we ventured in, unsure if we should have purchased hazmat suits for the occasion – and the verdict was that the breakfast was AMAZING and pretty darn inexpensive. Over time we have come to see that while it does not have the most inviting decorative taste – it has some awesome waitresses who are pretty darn nice to us. I’d say we’re considered “weekend regulars” now and Jacob has been eating there with us since the first week that he came home. The waitresses know Jacob by name and at Christmas time gave him a present – it was a sweet gesture.

I invite you all to take a visit to your local diner and pop in to try the food at least once. Sure there might be some crazies every now and then but overall the place we stop at every weekend for a good cheap breakfast – serves up some good clean food with some nice hospitality on the side…we just try to remind ourselves about everything we learned in health class and how STD’s are transmitted. It’s all good…we haven’t caught anything yet.

20 Words By 18 Months

A friend of mine told me that at her son’s 18 month appointment her pediatrician said that most toddlers should be saying at least 20 words. I’ve never been one to assess or monitor my son based on the governments criteria but it got me thinking about where Jacob would fare when this question (if it does) comes up at our 18 month appointment on December 10th. I started cataloging all the words that Jacob says trying to decipher what actually counted as a word and what didn’t. How is this assessment done? For example when Jacob see’s my mother he will say Nana….but when he see’s a banana he will say nana…….A nana…we know that he is saying Nana in the grandmother sense for my mother…and nana in the banana sense for the fruit. So does this count as two words? Or one? Does the fact that Jacob likes to add “a” to everything mean that he’s not actually saying the word – for example he will say “a ball” or “a book” which is probably because we always say “Jacob this is A ball”….I don’t understand how its possible to assess language so early when every child has their own way of saying things. Regardless I’ve compiled a list of words that Jacob is saying so that when the pediatrician asks me I will have an answer….forgive me if I can’t remember them all but I needed to post them somewhere so that i wouldnt’ forget.

Mama
Dada
Nana
Papa
Up
Milk
More
Bye Bye
All Done
I love (we’ve almost got the YOU in there)
Pillow
Apple
Banana
No (every parents favourite)
Night Night
Book
Ball
Meow
Moo
Eye
Ear
Eat
Pillow
Baby
Hi and Hello

I guarantee I have forgotten some, so I’ll add accordingly. Next week we’re hoping he can say Encyclopedia…..so we can move on to Supercalafrajalisticsexpealladocious.

Squeezing In Some Park Time

We’ve been so busy this weekend and it started to creep into Jacob’s personality over the past couple of days. I suspect he sensed the rush and chaos as we packed and prepared for our trip – we didn’t stick to our usual laid back weekend style and the one thing that Jacob loves about the weekends is spending time hanging out with his parents outside. This afternoon I got him peeking out the balcony window at the big wide world and suddenly it came to me that he had not been outside this weekend except for our trip to walmart, costco, the grocery store, etc. I excitedly asked him if he wanted to go outside to the park and he rushed across the room and grabbed his shoes and brought them to me; I interpreted this to mean yes.

Mike couldn’t join us since he was rushing to meet work deadlines and had been pounding away at his laptop nonstop for the past couple of days. Anyways we had fun outside in the park being goofy and enjoying the sunshine.


Tomorrow we’re off on our road trip in the U.S.A – pray for us – we’re embarking on a 6 hour car trip with a toddler. We’ve packed extra pacifiers and ADVIL.