I had a recent conversation with a mother who has a son the same age as mine. We have not known each other very long and the chances that we will ever hang out are slim – we just don’t mesh well if that makes sense.
At a completely random part of our conversation she brings up the topic of circumcision by saying the following: “My son is uncircumsized….is yours?” After I’m done dislodging the starbucks scone from my airway, I sort of give her this blank look – the kind that reads “excuse me” and “huh?”. She continues to talk and I stuff more of the lemon cranberry goodness into my mouth thinking that it might prevent me from saying anything remotely stupid – “I prefer my sons to be uncut”…At this point I’m sure that if I had a vein on my forehead it would be throbbing and after swallowing my mouthful of scone I realize that I’m about to lose control of my words – so trying to restrain myself I spew out the most brilliant thing ever and it went like this…….
Yup….this time I just said out loud what my face was saying the last time she spoke. She sort of looks at me – and she’s looking kind of confused, like she doesn’t understand what I’m thinking – and I’m confused because I need her to know how I’m feeling without me coming across as this total biatch of a mother. I quickly take a sip of my strawberry cream frappuchino and try with every effort I have to change the subject. I talk randomly about play groups and if she’s encountered any in the city that might be good for toddlers the same age as our sons.
She’s staring at me and shes confused because I didn’t answer her question and I know she wants an answer but I just can’t bring myself to say something….I’m wondering if she understands what’s going on for me at moment and I realize that she doesn’ t have a clue. I take another sip of my drink and shift my eyes around the room looking for the door or a clock – thinking maybe they have an excuse for me to get the heck out of there.
“I’m sorry” she says…..”Did I offend you”…..
She opened the door and I’m going to close it……
“It’s not that you offended me” I say….”It’s just that I don’t think its appropriate to ask someone you barely know about their child’s penis”….She’s staring at me and I’m not sure she’s absorbing what I’m saying very well so I continue adding….”I just would never ask someone else about their child’s penis in the middle of an every day converasation”….She’s staring…and I’m trying really hard to be nice…..
“Oh I’m really sorry”…..she says smiling at me….”Sometimes I get carried away when I’m eager to make friends”…..I smile back half heartedly and say “It’s ok, no harm done”….
She smiles….takes a sip of her coffee and says…”So is he circumsized or not?”….
I stuff the rest of my scone in my mouth…stand up and tell her we have to go….
She asked if I want her email so that we can get to know each other more…..I take it…hesitantly and for a moment I’m tempted to tell her she’s not very socialized – but then my sense comes back to me and I remember how badly I want out of that coffee shop.
The moral of the story….
Don’t ask people about their son’s penis’ or their daughter’s vagina…It’s creepy. Ok?