I Wish…

I wish she could stay this small for just a while longer…..Every day when I wake up she looks a little older, a little fuller, a little bigger….

And everyday my heart aches for what I had yesterday when she was less independent, oh so small and needed me in every way possible…..and every day I get excited about what is to come and how I get to experience every brand new moment with her the same way I did and continue to do with Jacob….

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Wonder Jacob, Wonder Jacob, He’s On His Way….

“To help a baby sister and save the day!”….

If you know who the Wonder Pets are then you are welcome in my circle of friends at any time. I’ve always hated the way that TV has the capacity to suck in children and adults alike but sadly I confess that despite our hope that Jacob would never get too invested in a particular program on the television he has. I am writing this blog post to confess that our son is a tad bit (read massively) obsessed with a TV program called The Wonder Pets. I am certain there is not a single episode or DVD of the Wonder Pets that Jacob has not seen and he can excitedly recite the entire anthem of the Wonder Pets all while whirling and swirling the plastic fly boat (that he had received for Christmas) around our house. Jacob has perhaps the greatest imagination that I’ve ever seen in a not quite 3 year old and shocks the heck out of me when he uses anything around the house (boxes, lego, hockey sticks, straws…you name it) to build his own make shift fly boat….

Leave it to Nana and Papa to find this while shopping day…..(thankfully it’s a stay at Nana and Papa’s house toy)….but the joy that it has brought him is so much so that it makes my heart swell in excitement for my boy and his fly boat. This is not the best picture of my boy because he’s been just so sick lately….but you get the idea!

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Dear Violet: Month One

Today you turned one month old and I already feel like time is flying by far too fast. I look forward to everything we’re going to share together over the next little while but I want to experience and remember every moment of your infancy because it’s all so important to me.

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I remember the moment you were born so vividly in my memory and I recall it every day because I never want to forget that moment when I first heard you cry, the moment they told me you were “just fine” and most importantly the moment that your Daddy brought you close to my left cheek and pressed your face close to mine and I whispered to you that I was your Mommy and that I loved you and waited for you for a really long time. The best memory of that day was when they brought me to the recovery room and we laid together in my bed with our bare skin touching each other. In that moment I could feel your heart beating against my chest and everything about you became very real and very dear to me…the next thing I remember is breast feeding you for the first time and cradling you close to me all the way upstairs to our hospital room.

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Another happy moment during the past month was the exact point in time when you met Jacob. I could hear him coming down the hall of the hospital with his heavy winter boots making a dragging sound as he marched in to see you. I was hesitant and uncertain about what he might think of you since he had never needed to share his Mommy and Daddy before but when he entered the room he loudly proclaimed “that’s my sister!”. Now that you’ve been home for the last little while I’ve really enjoyed watching your brother interact with you…..”his baby” as he refers to you. You probably won’t ever be able to remember it so I’m going to document it here in this letter….Jacob loves to sit close to you and sing you the sweetest lullaby song that goes like this…

Butterfly, Lullaby…..Lullaby Lou….
Butterfly, Lullaby……Sweet Dreams to You.

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There is so much about you that I am just getting to know and understand but I’ve discovered that you have a dimple in your left cheek. I am marveled by this dimple because they say that dimples are a genetic feature and there is nobody I can think of in our family that has this very same dimple…it’s your very own special gift and I can’t wait for the day you light up your face with a huge smile so that we can see that beautiful dimple even more. When you were born you weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces and were 20 inches tall and when we took you for your one month appointment at the pediatrician you weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces and 22.5 inches tall. Your weight gain has been slow and I’ll admit that in the beginning we were really worried about this but our doctor is no longer concerned and feels that you might just be a slow gainer…I just think you’re going to catch up between 2-4 months like your brother did.

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This first month of life has not been without obstacles for you and unfortunately (thanks to your big brother) you have already endured your first cold which has not been a pleasant experience for you or Mommy. In the past week you’ve also been diagnosed with a reflux disorder that requires medication but you will hopefully outgrow it at some point like Jacob did. I have to admit to you that when you are feeling unwell I get so worried about you and try my hardest to do everything I can to make you feel better. I am very sorry that the reflux makes your tummy hurt… I hope you get some relief soon.

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There is something about you that is so fascinating to me and I can’t quite put my finger on it just yet…I am certain it probably has much to do with the relationship between a mother and her daughter but I guess we will find out more as time goes on. You are so far a very affectionate and cuddly baby who definitely prefers being in our arms then in any type of “baby device” such as the bouncy chair or swing and I’m ok with that…I fall more and more in love with you every time you are asleep on my chest and our hearts are beating against each other. I’ve learned over the past month that you definitely will let us know if you need something to eat or if you have a poop in your diaper that needs to be changed….which is a very good thing since your brother didn’t care less about sitting in a poopy diaper when he was a baby and the only way we could tell there was poop in his diaper was to catch a smell! Every single day since you’ve been born you have had the hiccups at least once a day….which is so cute because when I was pregnant with you I could tell you had the hiccups every day in my belly too…gosh it seems like so long ago now that I was experiencing that little tap tap tap in my belly.

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As I write this letter to you I am watching you sleep….you seem very unsettled and uncomfortable which tells me that your reflux is bothering you and it just breaks my heart. Despite the obvious discomfort you are experiencing….you still look perfectly beautiful as you sleep all curled up on your side just like you were in my belly. I am so happy that you are here with us now…. a part of our family and loved so much by everyone of us.

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I love everything about you already and I know there is so much more to you that I get to experience. Thank you for coming into my life at the exact right moment in time…..

Thank you for being perfect just the way you are.

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I love you

Mommy

Family Day Fun!

In the past two years our provincial government introduced a new statutory holiday called Family Day which provides people living in our province with a long weekend off in February. This past Monday was family day and we decided to spend the day at Woodbine Mall enjoying the rides in their Fantasy Fair! I’ve got to say that the fair was JAM PACKED with hundreds of other people who had the same brilliant idea so we didn’t get to enjoy it as much as we had hoped but still we went and Jacob got to go on a few rides….afterwords we enjoyed dinner with Nana and Papa at Boston Pizza! Yum! Here’s a few pics from the Fair!

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Sick and tired of waiting in lines to go on rides!

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The Things Toddlers Say

Sometimes I think Jacob is a riot and I know he’s not doing it on purpose but many times the things that come out of his mouth are so hilarious to me…..

While I was getting Jacob dressed he points to her belly button (which at this point is an outie) and remarks….

“Is that Violet’s penis Mommy?”

To which I say to him “Violet is a girl and girls don’t have a penis”

After pondering a few moments he suddenly gets glowing sparkly eyes and remarks….

“That’s right Mommy, girls have two bums!”

I Miss Him

I’m working hard to find a balance of time between the two children but these days it’s really really hard. With Violet’s growth struggles and our current breast feeding, pumping, supplementing plan I’m finding that I really really miss my wee man. It’s not that he’s far away because in actual reality he’s right here next to me for most of the day but what I miss is being able to snuggle with him whenever we want to, to act silly with him and watch Super Why together….now it seems that when Super Why is on I am engrossed in the feeding regimen with Violet and before I know it the show is over. Twice in the past couple of weeks Jacob has gone upstairs and put himself down for a nap and I’m trying to decide if its because he was really tired or just because he was bored of not having Mommy time. We’re still trying to work things out with Violet around what method of feeding her will work best for our family or more specifically Violet and myself but I’m committed to working on finding more time with Jacob too….I think I’m planning to bake cookies and cupcakes with him on Friday for Valentines Day as this is something that we have always enjoyed doing together. I find myself trying to do too many things at once as though I’m trying to squeeze in time for everything that needs to get done….just today I was rocking Violet in her bouncy chair, while doing a puzzle with Jacob and folding laundry. Insane! I miss him so much that it makes me ache some days and I wonder if he misses me too…he’s just growing up too fast and I think these pictures prove what a big little man he’s becoming.

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And Life Continues….

For a while I felt frozen in the moment of Violet’s birth as if it couldn’t be possible that she was here with us. When we were in the hospital it was as though I was in a dream where Violet was a beautiful gift that we weren’t sure if we got to keep….but then she came home with us and I remember Mike and I commenting that she was “ours” and laughing that we couldn’t have any “returns or exchanges”….now that she is two weeks old it’s impossible to imagine our life without her in it. Prior to Violet’s birth we existed as out little threesome and while we always knew we were a family it wasn’t until Violet was born that our threesome truly felt like a whole family….something about the four of us seems so perfect.

I think the joyous celebration of Violet’s birth stayed with us for about a week but its more then apparent now that our life is continuing with “business as usual”….and somehow in all the chaos of breast feeding, supplementing, pumping, and of course the lack of sleep….we are surviving and actually doing better then we or more specifically I, thought. I’m not sure how I pictured it in my head but it wasn’t the way it’s actually worked out. I imagined that I’d find it difficult to love them both and I anticipated that Jacob would struggle….really struggle. The reality is that it hasn’t been such a struggle and I notice that every day I feel a little more confident and a little more ready to be a mom of two. I think the first week was really tough as I tried to recover from my c-section and lived as a swollen post partum pregnancy creature. I could definitely feel the hormones exciting my body accompanied by the gallons for fluid that seemed to use my ankles as their exit door….and now at 2 weeks postpartum I am feeling almost real again. I still have a bit of fluid that I’m trying to part with and my c-section scar is itchy as heck but overall I’m feeling and doing pretty well….even our worries about Violet’s growth aren’t making me too upset.

My hope and goal for the next little while is to spend as much time as possible getting to know the new addition to our family while still finding time to do fun things with Jacob. I have to admit that right now it is hard to get a lot of one on one time in with him and that the TV is on far more often then I would care to see it on but someone once gave me some excellent advice that it was ok if Jacob spent an extra half hour or hour watching TV a day while you get to know your baby….because you gave that same attention to Jacob when he was new….and I definitely can agree with that. I totally believe that Jacob’s personality is a direct result of our parenting choices with him when he was younger combined with just who he is as a little fella…..I feel fortunate that so far it seems Violet is very calm natured like her big brother was. Violet is calm and comfy cozy like Jacob in that she only cries when she is hungry…and I’m talking REALLY hungry like “Mama missed my hunger cues hungry”….and occasionally she’ll cry a bit when she needs her diaper changed but in keeping with her big brother’s personality…sometimes she’s perfectly content to stay in the wet or poopy diaper until someone else realizes it might be such a hot place to hang out.

Jacob is still adjusting to having “his baby” around the house but it seems that so far the transition for our family has gone relatively smoothly. Jacob seems quite fond of having Violet around most of the time and at other times it’s as if he doesn’t even realize that she’s there but overall he is not making any crazy comments about us sending her back to the factory! I haven’t had as much time as I would have liked with Jacob but I think we’re slowly coming around to a comfortable pace and I’m sure that from here on out things will be “business as usual” in our household….

The conclusion to all of this is that despite all the breastfeeding, pumping, supplementing, and lack of sleep….we are fairing better then we ever could have expected…..

Ask me again after I attempt to tackle the mass piles of laundry this weekend….