For a while I felt frozen in the moment of Violet’s birth as if it couldn’t be possible that she was here with us. When we were in the hospital it was as though I was in a dream where Violet was a beautiful gift that we weren’t sure if we got to keep….but then she came home with us and I remember Mike and I commenting that she was “ours” and laughing that we couldn’t have any “returns or exchanges”….now that she is two weeks old it’s impossible to imagine our life without her in it. Prior to Violet’s birth we existed as out little threesome and while we always knew we were a family it wasn’t until Violet was born that our threesome truly felt like a whole family….something about the four of us seems so perfect.
I think the joyous celebration of Violet’s birth stayed with us for about a week but its more then apparent now that our life is continuing with “business as usual”….and somehow in all the chaos of breast feeding, supplementing, pumping, and of course the lack of sleep….we are surviving and actually doing better then we or more specifically I, thought. I’m not sure how I pictured it in my head but it wasn’t the way it’s actually worked out. I imagined that I’d find it difficult to love them both and I anticipated that Jacob would struggle….really struggle. The reality is that it hasn’t been such a struggle and I notice that every day I feel a little more confident and a little more ready to be a mom of two. I think the first week was really tough as I tried to recover from my c-section and lived as a swollen post partum pregnancy creature. I could definitely feel the hormones exciting my body accompanied by the gallons for fluid that seemed to use my ankles as their exit door….and now at 2 weeks postpartum I am feeling almost real again. I still have a bit of fluid that I’m trying to part with and my c-section scar is itchy as heck but overall I’m feeling and doing pretty well….even our worries about Violet’s growth aren’t making me too upset.
My hope and goal for the next little while is to spend as much time as possible getting to know the new addition to our family while still finding time to do fun things with Jacob. I have to admit that right now it is hard to get a lot of one on one time in with him and that the TV is on far more often then I would care to see it on but someone once gave me some excellent advice that it was ok if Jacob spent an extra half hour or hour watching TV a day while you get to know your baby….because you gave that same attention to Jacob when he was new….and I definitely can agree with that. I totally believe that Jacob’s personality is a direct result of our parenting choices with him when he was younger combined with just who he is as a little fella…..I feel fortunate that so far it seems Violet is very calm natured like her big brother was. Violet is calm and comfy cozy like Jacob in that she only cries when she is hungry…and I’m talking REALLY hungry like “Mama missed my hunger cues hungry”….and occasionally she’ll cry a bit when she needs her diaper changed but in keeping with her big brother’s personality…sometimes she’s perfectly content to stay in the wet or poopy diaper until someone else realizes it might be such a hot place to hang out.
Jacob is still adjusting to having “his baby” around the house but it seems that so far the transition for our family has gone relatively smoothly. Jacob seems quite fond of having Violet around most of the time and at other times it’s as if he doesn’t even realize that she’s there but overall he is not making any crazy comments about us sending her back to the factory! I haven’t had as much time as I would have liked with Jacob but I think we’re slowly coming around to a comfortable pace and I’m sure that from here on out things will be “business as usual” in our household….
The conclusion to all of this is that despite all the breastfeeding, pumping, supplementing, and lack of sleep….we are fairing better then we ever could have expected…..
Ask me again after I attempt to tackle the mass piles of laundry this weekend….