I spent an hour on the phone the other day talking to my co-worker and our boss, which if you know me well at all, means a lot because I’m just not a phone person. It was one of the first opportunities since Violet was born that I have had to really sit down and connect with the people I left behind at my awesome workplace over 5 months ago. I’m quite fortunate that I’ve been able to work with a good core group of people over the years at my job and there is still four of us from way back when I first started….in my field having four workers stay so consistently over the years is practically unheard of. I have had days on my maternity leave where I really miss my job and I think it has a lot to do with the lack of adult conversation in my life these days. I’ve been trying really hard to have a good balance of family and adult interaction but I find that when I am with friends or family the conversations still seem to center around children, mine or theirs. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say here, I love my chldren and I do my fair share of the usual mommy banter and chatter but I also have a personality that includes other things as well.
I feel like some people are cool with only being defined by their mothering abilities, and I can wholeheartedly appreciate people who are like that, but it’s just not me. I know that i am so much more then just a mother and sometimes in the busiest, most exhausting moments of mommyhood I find that I am craving or aching for a conversation about politics or music theatre instead of childrens activities, park adventures and poop. I love my job because I feel like I’m good at it, excel at it, and that it was something that just always came naturally too me (counseling) whereas I feel that being a mother, a good mother, took a lot of learning, growing, and many days I wonder if I’m more confident in the work I do with teenagers and their families then I even am at rearing my own family.
I love being a mom, but I also love being Melissa and while on most days the two go hand in hand, there are some days where I long for those days at work where quite frankly nobody really cared if my son was constipated or if my daughter was up all night screaming we all connect because we have the same career and there I am able to talk about travelling, current events, television programs, politics, music that is not sung to the tune of yankke doodle or twinkle twinkle little star and sometimes I still get to share a story about my little people at home…..waiting for me to return from my day at work – and usually everyone laughs or reminices about their own children but then we are quickly turned back to other topics.
I can honestly say that since I’ve been on maternity leave the adult conversation is for the most part absent – talking to my coworkers reminded me about how important it is for me so somehow I’ve got to find a way to make it a part of my life again.