I’ve often found myself in the middle of conversations with other new mom’s wishing that everyone would stop beating around the bush and get to the nitty gritty bits of motherhood. I use to belong to a baby club (the same one I went to when Jacob was little) and frankly I stopped going because I felt like everyone there was playing pretend – or maybe the real truth might be that I was just experiencing motherhood quite differently. The hour long program consisted primarily of songs and mother type chatter except that the chatter always sounded like this…
“I love being a mom”
“I’m just so happy to have her here”
“Motherhood is such an awesome thing”
“Everything is just so wonderful”
Really? Crap. I seriously must be malfunctioned because what I want to talk about is what you do to keep going when you’re so sleep deprived or when the last time was that you had a really good shower. I want to cut to the chase, loose the “perfect mother” ideals and be real for once. I get it…you love being a mother, I do too, but love is not the only emotion I am feeling right now. I want to talk about how overwhelming kids can be, how exhausting and trying it can be and most importantly I want us all to agree that being a mother is awesome but it’s also difficult…sometimes it’s even REALLY difficult.
This week, I’ve finally been able to feel “real” again and I’ll admit that it feels freaking fantastic not to be walking around in a zombie like state while reeking of spoiled milk – and when I say freaking fantastic, I mean REALLY FREAKING FANTASTIC. It’s only taken three months of adjustment to soak in the mommy to two children lifestyle but I’m finally feeling like it’s safe to get out of the house to do things with them and that I’m actually finding the time to squeeze in the odd shower or trip to the washroom to relieve myself. Despite this refreshed feeling I’m still totally frustrated that the group of women at my baby club just can’t be themselves and give the hard work it takes to be a mom some serious acknowledgment….please? Pretty please?
The last time I was at baby club, Violet was 8 weeks old and I vowed that I would never go back because I was just too annoyed by the fraudulent nature of it all….but I’m stubborn as a mule most days so I’m thinking about going back to set an example and let them see that it’s ok to “be real”, that mothering is not just about love and snuggles, nor is it about coach diaper bags or thousand dollar bugaboo strollers – I’m hoping that they can see that being fake about it all is toxic to their emotional well being…..trust me, I’d know because I experienced it all with Jacob and it drained me emotionally. I know its hard to let go, but it only took one person to help me get real about it way back in 2006 so maybe I can be a life preserver for someone else – if I can work up the courage to go back and face it all again.