I was sitting in the recliner rocking with Violet and Jacob was standing to my right chattering away about the Wonder Pets and other fascinating toddler adventures when I suddenly smiled and said “I love my two babies”. As if someone had suddenly clapped their hand over his mouth to silence him, Jacob stood there at my side quiet and with a rather perplexed look on his face. I stared back for a moment, perhaps trying to understand what his brain was calculating and then he suddenly folded his arms, creased his brows and said the following: “Just so you know Mommy, I am not a baby! Violet is a baby and I am a kid”. I tried with every ounce of my now broken mother hood to explain to Jacob that yes he indeed was a child but he would always be my baby boy to which he remarked with a pouty lip and the stomp of his right foot….
“I am not a child mommy, I am a KID!”
I thought about trying to explain it a bit more to him but it was too late he had already marched up the stairs to his bedroom. I sat there in my chair with Violet clutched to my chest knowing that at least she was going to be my baby for a while, but a part of me was mourning….grieving the loss of my baby boy, once so dependent and now so independent. I realized how much I’ve missed him relying on me for so much and how I craved to just hold him close the same way Violet wants me to hold her now…Perhaps it was the dejected pathetic look on my face or maybe it was the sound of my heart shaking in confusion and anguish only a mother could know, but a few moments later he sauntered down the stairs, climbed up onto the chair with Violet and I, wrapped his skinny white arms around my cushiony mid-section and pronounced – I love you so much Mommy.
That’s right….he knows it – He’s my baby forever…