New Eyes

I watched a show recently where the mother of a young child who was battling cancer said that she felt “lucky” that she had to go through this experience with her daughter.  Of course the question posed to this mother was “why on earth would you feel lucky that your daughter got cancer”  and the mother responded that she felt lucky to really truly know what life is all about.  The woman went on to speak about being given the rare gift of understanding the privilege of having someone in your life and the good fortune of being able to spend time together.  I think this is an important lesson for me to learn while I sit here with my two healthy children…I am gracious to have come across this woman’s explanation because its really provided me with a new set of eyes.

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For the past couple of months we’ve been battling what I’ll refer to as a “mystery problem” with Jacob and after waiting for a long time we finally got referred to The Hospital for Sick Children and are being seen by a wonderful doctor who we appreciate greatly.  I’m choosing not to elaborate on the entire problem right now because I’d rather do a more in depth explanation when it’s all over  because it could be something or it could be nothing; my gut says everything is going to be alright.  Today we took Jacob into the hospital to have a procedure done under general anesthesia and I have to say that it was a very overwhelming experience for all of us.  I can offer nothing but the most sincere appreciation for the doctor’s and nurses at the Hospital for Sick Children who made the experience slightly bearable.  I went into the procedure today with my “new eyes” and my enlightened perspective and it really helped me to focus on remembering that I was so fortunate to have both of my children with me and healthy right now….in this moment.  When the procedure was over today we didn’t leave with any real answers but we do have a plan and I think that’s really what’s important here…our doctor believes something is going on that warrants investigation so we’re doing a medication for the next month to rule out the most obvious possibility and if that does not create any sort of change we will move on to what he calls the “million dollar investigation” which involves some tests and procedures that nobody wants to subject their child to unless absolutely necessary – with every ounce of who I am I think this is the way to go – I will not and can not subject my child to anything unnecessary without first ruling out the simple things.

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All of this decision making and investigation over the last little while has really put some things into perspective for me and I have definitely only reassured myself of what I know to be true….As parents we make choices and decisions every day as we help our children adjust and grow in the great big huge world…..we might not always make THE right decision but we most definitely make the decision that we feel is right for that moment and then if turns out to be the wrong decision we learn and grow from that experience.  As parents we make sacrifices for our children, we put some of our own hopes and dreams on hold so that they can experience their own…..we gladly give up some of our indulgences because we have a desire to fulfill the needs of our children.  I crave and long for my children to have healthy long lives filled with love and anything above and beyond good health is just icing on the cake.  Through all of this struggle with Jacob I have learned that it is far better to have child that is healthy and does poorly in school then a child that is unhealthy and gets straight A’s……to have both is to be doubly blessed I suppose – but above all health and love is the most essential of all things.

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I do not know 100% at this point what it is that is ailing Jacob (if it is actually anything at all) but I know that I will do everything in my power and in my realm of possibility to make sure that whatever it is or isn’t for that matter…is all sorted out.  I am hoping that the next month brings answers and recovery but I’m also hoping that with my “new eyes” I can let go of the worry and embrace every day with gratitude and love of what we have now….today.

I encourage you all to do the same…

Let go and live a little – it’s totally okay and you might actually enjoy it a bit and maybe get a pair of your own “new eyes”.

2 thoughts on “New Eyes

  1. Oh Melissa, you’re making me tear up a little because of how incredible right you are. I would have laughed a year ago if I had been told I would be sitting here today with overwhelming gratitude for the journey we have been through, but the perspective I have gained and the things I have learned are priceless. I pray this is as much as you will develop your new eyes, that your instinct is right and all will be just fine with Jacob. He looks handsome, as always!

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