The Circle of Life

“To everything there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under heaven:”

It’s after 10 pm and I’m sitting here breaking all the rules about bedtime that exist in our house because I’m having one of those days where I want to breathe in every ounce of energy that my children give out…..taking a long drink from their cups filled with new life. Jacob is eating Dora fruit snacks, drinking blueberry juice that is not watered down, and playing with his infamous Wonder Pets – all things that are not common activities at 10pm in our house. Violet is laying on the couch next to Mike, giggling, cooing and getting overly excited at the fact that she can bring her hands together over and over and over again – and I am inhaling every moment of this because today I became painfully aware that before we know it, our ticket is pulled, and its our moment to leave this earth….

“A time to be born, and
a time to die;
a time to plant, and
a time to pluck up
that which is planted;”

Someone I know quite well, but not well enough sadly, passed away last night after a short but courageous battle against a Cancer that had invaded his body. I am not a member of his “family” in the literal sense, but I have grown up with this family – he was the grandfather of my closest friend who I’ve known nearly 26 years. I often referred to them as my “weekend” family…he was to my friend her Opa (grandfather) and that is what I have always known him as….simply Opa; I wish I could have known him more, but over the years I have had only surface types of conversation with him but regardless our conversation was always kind and enjoyable. When someone close to you, loses someone close to them, it’s an incredibly strange process of grief because you are saddened about the loss of a good person from the world, but you are also saddened that your dear friend has to go through a painful process of mourning.

“A time to kill, and
a time to heal;
a time to break down, and
a time to build up;”

I read many blogs, but recently someone referred to our time here on earth as “just passing through” and I really hold strong to that belief…that we are just passing through this life to get to the next life, where we can exist with our families in heaven, and closer to God then we’ve ever been here on earth. I don’t often talk about faith or religion on my blog, I rarely mention that I do believe we have a Heavenly Father that loves us and wants us to return to Him some day…but I feel urged to today. I am thinking of Opa, a good strong Man, who is gone today but some day he will be reunited with his loved ones in a place that is so wonderful and decadent. I guess, what I’m thinking about this “just passing through” thing is that we’re here to do more then just “passing through” I guess….we have some work to do while were here, an impression to leave, and love to share….it’s why I’ve spent the day soaking in the joy of my children….because its such a remarkable idea that as one person leaves this life, another person is being born into it – perhaps it is also because children have a light that comes from them that gives us strength during difficult times – they are resilient, care free, loving, curious, and ecstatic…all the things we hope or wish we could be.

“A time to weep, and
a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and
a time to dance;”

Indeed we are not just passing through, we are doing our work, leaving our mark so that one day we can get to that “ultimate all inclusive vacation” with our loved ones and God.  We’re going to the traditional wake and funeral services this week and I’m choosing not to bring Jacob along with us, not because I don’t think her’s ready to understand (which I don’t think he’d really understand) but because I’d like to spend some time remembering with Opa’s loved ones, being a shoulder to cry on for a dear friend…..and it would be hard to do that when you’re spending your time trying to prevent your preschooler from stuffing straws up his nose (he’s never done that, trust me I’d know….but it could happen right?).

“A time to cast away stones, and
a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and
a time to refrain from embracing;”

I confess that I do not cope well at funerals, they are perhaps one of the most difficult things that I have endured in my lifetime.  When I am at funerals I suddenly start to lose control of my thoughts and anxiety creeps in to shake me up a bit…..within minutes of being there I am thinking of the people closest to me and how I would feel if all of a sudden I couldn’t be with them, talk to them, feel them near.  Somehow over the years I’ve become terrified with the idea of death and today I started wondering why it was so frightening to me and I think its because death is just so normal… happens every day, sometimes without notice or when we least expect it….and so we become terrified of it, knowing that in many ways it is one thing in life that we unable to control – it always takes me a few days to recover from a funeral.

“A time to get, and
a time to lose;
a time to keep, and
a time to cast away;”

Someone leaves the world and someone enters, the circle of life continues as it should and probably will for a long time coming….

“A time to rend, and
a time to sow;
a time to keep silence, and
a time to speak;”

And I hold my children a little closer, love them a little more profoundly….and I express my gratitude for what I have, right now, on this day, and in this very moment….

“A time to love, and
a time to hate;
a time of war; and
a time of peace.”

2 thoughts on “The Circle of Life

  1. Thinking of you, hon. I am sorry for your loss! I tend to agree, we aren’t just passing through – we leave behind us so much with the work we do, the lives we live, and the love we share.

  2. Lissa…..I love you with all my heart! Thank you so much for that beautiful entry. You have been a source of great strength and support for me for the past few days….and well…….my whole life actually. Thank you for all you do.

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