Dear Violet: A Letter at 5 Months

Dear Monkey Girl….

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A lot of people wonder how often I have been writing these letters to my children and I’ve got to tell you Violet that there is no particular pattern except that I write them when I feel its the right time. It’s totally unbelievable that you are already 5 months old and quickly approaching that half year, 6 month mark that to me means you are creeping towards your first birthday. I know that I can not hold time back, even though many days I’d like for you to stay so small and so dependent – the truth is, I am excited for you to experience this world and thrilled that I get to watch you enjoy it for a while. I am pretty sure that I have not written to you in some time, perhaps it has even been 3 months but at this point I have not written to your brother since the day before you were born – as a result I suddenly feel an urge to write to you both and so his letter shall follow yours by a few days,

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So much has happened in the past few months and what I’m seeing blossom before my very eyes is a sweet little girl with a ton of possibilities for her life. I have noticed that you are quite the chatterbox and I wish I could understand the things that you are trying to say to me as you babble and squawk in various pitches and tones. Recently you realized that the toes attached to your feet are pretty great things to hold on to and I’ve watched you work pretty hard to try and successfully deposit one of those toes, I think your big toe, into your mouth – I’m happy to report that you have not had much success in this area which I’m sure is disappointing to you but kind of a relief to me since the idea of anybody sucking on their toes is sort of revolting to me!

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About a month ago I took you for a doctors appointment where you weighed in at 13 pounds and 25 inches tall and the doctor commented that we “had another tall one on our hands” and I’ve got to say kid, you definitely have some long arms and legs. I recently started calling you my monkey girl because of how often people comment on your long skinny arms – they remind me of the monkeys we saw at the zoo on our recent trip as a family. I did not even expect that this nickname would befall you because my own father, your grandfather, called me monkey as a child and I was not particularly fond of that – so if the nickname sticks and you ever get annoyed or bothered by it, I promise not to call you it ever again. You seem so much smaller to me then your brother at this age but that very well may be the simple fact that you are a girl and he is a boy but he out weighed you but nearly 4 pounds when he was 4 months old. You did so well at the doctors office that day – your face full of smiles as the doctor examined you and I’ve got to say this is probably something about you that is so significant to me. You smile so much Violet, and I’m pretty sure that you are not aware in the least about how much people enjoy this about you…..people simply look at you, your eyes look back into theirs and then suddenly you have this giant smile plastered across your face that reveals the deep dimple on your left cheek….everyone loves to be around you, because your joy is incredibly contagious.

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I’ve always hoped and dreamed that I could give my children the most normal life as possible – I have only the best of intentions for your life Violet and while in the past I have promised you that I would do my best to give your life a sense of normalcy and safety – it occurs to me this week that sometimes things are going to occur that are our of my control, things that are unpredictable and no matter how hard I try throughout your life there will come times when you are confronted with things that are maybe difficult to understand or things that make you feel sad or even mad. I love you and as your mom it is up to your father and I to make choices and decisions for you that hopefully will attribute to a safe, and loving family life – I apologize now if ever there comes a time where you feel that I did not do my best as your mother to help keep that safe loving feeling in your life. I know that through the years, especially as you grow to a teenager, there will come times where we do not see eye to eye but I want you to know that even if I do not agree with what you are saying I will always listen – and I hope that you will always have an understanding that I have nothing but love and a hope for good things for you.

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It occurs to me that the next letter that I write to you will be so different because you will most likely be doing so many new things like sitting up along, eating real people food, and maybe even crawling – I’m sitting here typing on the laptop and watching you roll around on the floor, giggling and holding tight to those pesky toes and while I watch you my heart is filled with warmth and love…..I want to always remember these days and I guess I want you to know of them to, which is why I write these letters to both of my children. I want to remember the times when the wipes package with it’s crinkly squishy sound was the coolest thing ever to you and the times that your big brother could simply look at you and you’d break out in a giant full faced smile. Mostly though, I’d like to remember the day when you’d simply let me hold you, and lay my head atop yours and just breathe you in – every inch of you so sweet and perfect – I know there will come a time when I will ache to have these days back, and so I take them now, when they are so freely given……

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I love you monkey girl

Mama

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