I am doing my best not to get stressed out when I see very little change in the scale. This week at my weigh in I lost a mere 0.6 pounds and I’ve constantly been telling myself that is 0.6 pounds in the right direction, 0.6 pounds that I no longer have to carry around, and a hundred good things I’ve done for myself in the past week. In the past I’ve often been discouraged by low numbers in weight loss and discouraged when I see very little movement on the scale but this time I’m reminding myself that it’s not about the numbers but rather the entire overall changes I’m making in my life! I mean come on folks….I haven’t eaten fast food in a month now….and putting that in perspective for a minute makes me say out loud – Ummm hello Melissa you didn’t get fat eating too much broccoli!! It was too much snacking and visits to the take out menus. It feels good to say that you know…..I haven’t eaten at any kind of fast food restaurant in a MONTH…not even one slice of pizza has touched my lips even though I’ve desired to enjoy a nice slice of pizza at least once a week, every week!
I’m pretty sure now is the time that I have to start getting more active to boost the weight loss. My first 18.6 pounds off were a gift from the weight loss gods and now it’s time for me to put more hard work and effort in. I’ve got to really figure out what “being active” means to me because let’s face it I’m not exactly in the best shape and I’d like to prevent myself from going into cardiac arrest while sweating my booty off to the oldies….cus you know, it’s not like I have an entire team of biggest loser doctors and specialists waiting in the wings just in case I start vomiting and collapse from my body going OMG what the hell are you doing to me – epic fail. I’m not allowing myself to make excuses but I’ve been working a lot and it’s going to be hard to figure out how to slip in some workouts, walks, jumps, super ninja spy moves, and other active like activities….I need to figure out a plan that works for me, for my family, and for my job. I really badly super ache to have a gym membership at the local Good Life where I can go to work out before/after work and on my days off but the difficulty is that I lack child care and I’m already feeling like we’re exhausting my mother in law with my work schedule and her generous/wonderful/sometimes I dont’ know how she does it childcare…..in the evenings and on the weekends I could ask my mom to watch the kids so Mike and I could go together, but that doesn’t really help out with the times I would need to go before work. It’s all a balancing act I think and I’ve got to spend some time just figuring it out – it’s really important to me, my life, my ability to lose weight, my desire to live…..truly live – so I’m sure I’ll figure something out at some point.
I have found myself feeling guilt and shame this week for only losing 0.6 pounds this week – was it the time I ate out at the restaurant with the family? Was it the time I added chilli sauce to my veggies (it’s supposed to be a freebie on JC but maybe not?)…and I’m realizing I can’t try to find reasons why things are my fault – this is the ebb and flow of weight loss and if I’m in this for the long run I better start being ok with 0.6 pounds or 0 pounds or even a 1 pound gain when it happens – and it just might, because we humans are not perfect beings no matter how much we might try to be.
So what happens now? Well, I move forward continuing to break the bank with my JC purchases because it’s working and so long as it is working I will continue to pay for the food if it means I can live and live healthily. I know that eventually I will move to doing some meals on my own but I’m hoping that wont’ happen until I’m 100 pounds down…I’m willing to beg, borrow, sell my husband (joke), whatever I have to do to make it happen! 100 pounds…..wow seems so far away but as my co-worker put it….I’m almost 20 pounds down now and that is 1/5th of the way to my 100 pounds. After that I still have a lot more to lose but 100 pounds feels like a good starting point…it seems possible when before it seemed really impossible…..I am only 5 pounds away from being the weight I was before I had Violet and before I started dealing with a touch of post partum depression (didn’t have it with Jacob but gosh it was awful with Violet). 5 pounds and I’m there……and then after that my next goal is to be the weight I was before I had Jacob which is 15-20 pounds more….I can do it, I know I can.