May 13th, 2009:

It takes a lot to get me truly mad – I’m not talking about sorta kinda mad….I’m talking about totally pissed off angry steam whistling from my ears mad. There are not a lot of things that can trigger me to be so enraged but a sure fire bet to get me all riled up is to go after my children.

Jacob has been sick with a nasty virus for the past four days and the most aggravating symptom of that virus has been an incredibly resilient fever that has been resistent to any of the typical fever killers (tylenol & advil). We tried really hard to wait it out, take care of it at home, and let it sort itself out because we don’t want to be lugging our kids off to the hospital every single time they have a sniffle – but this fever, it wasn’t going anywhere, anytime soon. Yesterday Jacob’s fever hit a high of 105.3 degrees Fahrenheit and when we found him passed out asleep on the floor between the stairs and his bedroom we packed up the gang and headed on our way to our local Urgent Care center. Now, I wouldn’t be telling the whole story if I didn’t add that we do not often chose to take our children anywhere else except for the Sick Children’s hospital in downtown Toronto because, simply put…they know what they are doing there and there is nobody better that deals with children – but that night, last night, we were hoping to just verify that it was a virus that would run its course and get home without a drawn out waiting experience.

When we arrived at the hospital Jacob’s fever was still 104.7 F despite the fact that we had given him tylenol just an hour before and the doctor who did not strike me of the bat as a friendly guy….wanted a urine test from Jacob so they stuck a bag over his penis with a whole whack of tape and Jacob was instantly annoyed as you might imagine you would be if you had something stuck to your genitalia – his reaction was to cry, loudly and beg us to “TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF! Now that you’re picturing my half naked son, tears steaming down his cheeks, crying his head off with a bag stuck over his penis…I bet you can never guess what happens next…..

Footsteps are approaching our room in the hospital…

A nurse peers her head into our little space and says “The doctor wants you out of here because your son is being disruptive”.

As the words spewed from her lips I stood in front of her with an exasperated sort of stupid look on my face that I’m sure frightened her because she took a step back from me as I questionned her about the decision that my son be expelled from the urgent care unit because he was crying….because they smacked a little plastic bag over his penis….because surely my ears were mistaken right? Well I guess my voice got a little loud, or perhaps she was just reacting to the steam barelling out of my ears, but a few moments later another nurse poked her head in to “make sure everything was alright”……I looked at Mike and told him to take Jacob to the bathroom and take the bag off his penis, because THIS was the very example of why I do not chose to take my kids to any other place besides a pediatric facilty, where other children are sick and crying and snotting and no parent or other patient or doctor is annoyed by that because we all just agree that it sucks to be there for the child and the parent too.

I spent the next few moments gathering our belongings and shaking off the anger and insult of having just been “expelled” from the urgent care center and as we were waiting to sign the form saying that we were “discharging our son against medical advice” another woman who was there wth a family member approached me and exclaimed “this place is a piece of work huh?”…..to which I responded with a resounding “oh yeah, a freaking ridiculous piece of work”. So, we’re signing the forms that the doctor who could care less about my son with the 105 degree fever is forcing us to sign because he really didn’t want us to leave leave….he just wanted us to go wait outside with our half naked, raging fevered, crying, penis bagged, annoying, loud, snotty child. Apparently, we were supposed to wait it out anywhere but the actual urgent care center and come back when he had peed – right. If only I could have the guts to use a four letter word that starts with an F and is then followed by a YOU….but of course I don’t have the guts because I’m too nice….so instead I packed up our family, signed their pretty form (the one that made me the bad parent who signed their sick child out against medical advice) and I left.

I am guessing the urgent care center realized the error of their ways because they called today to inquire about the health status of my son – I missed the call and they left a message but I’m certain, if I had answered…my response would not have been pleasant.

We went to the Hospital for SIck Children today when Jacob’s fever continued to climb, he gave a urine sample, he cried his annoying Mommy I’m so sick and I dont’ want these doctor’s to touch my cry…and we didn’t get kicked out.

He has a sinus infection, a red right ear drum, and the start of a possible respiratory tract infection – according to the pediatrician we saw it’s typical to have 4-5 days of persistent fever with these things….because of Jacob’s history of reactive airways we have to watch for the familiar signs that Jacob was going into respiratory distress and return if he got worse.

The real kicker – when we got home tonight after spending the day at the hospital we discovered that Violet had a high fever.

Being a parent is such a joy I tell ya.

Every day is such an adventure.

A good friend is someone who comforts you during difficult times and offers strength to sustain you through them – so it is not a surprise that an old friend of mine has snuggled its way back into my life. I have a love-hate relationship with my dear friend “caffeine” but over the years we’ve been able to part ways at the times that I deemed it inappropriate to hang out together. The first time we said our goodbyes was when I found of I was pregnant with Jacob and I can recall that goodbye as though it just happened yesterday – I drank my last diet coke at McDonalds the day I found out that I was expecting him and we never hung out again until just after the babe was born.

Caffeine, just like addictions to other substances (food, alcohol, drugs, bad polystester clothing) has an ability to sneak back into your life when times start to get difficult – so it is no surprise that I cracked open my first diet coke during Jacob’s say in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I remember being so exhausted from the long emotional delivery I had endured and devastated that I wasn’t going to be bringing my wee man home from the hospital when I left. There was a plan put in place where I would stay in a parent room at the hospital that would allow me to stay nearby and care for my son when I could – and I have a distinct memory of me sitting in the room listening to a nurse tell me all about my son, everything they would do, when they’d call me to feed him, that they’d knock on my door every 2 hours so I could feed him through the night…..then I remember going back to my parent room with my mother and That Daddy Guy, taking a deep breath in and sobbing. I was exhausted physically and emotionally….i was recovering from a c-section and a labor that lasted 4 days in hospital and my baby, the one I had been waiting to meet for 8 very long months, the one that we might have lost if not for my instinct that something was wrong….that baby was sitting in a room being cared for and monitored by people that were not me. It’s common knowledge that in human nature we chose to either fight or flight when stress arises and this time, unlike me in every way, I chose to fly…I needed to get out of the hospital where I’d been for 10 days already, I needed familiarity, my shower, my bed and so I looked at my mom with tears in my eyes and said…”Mom, I feel horrible but I need to get out of here, I need to go home” and I remember her reassuring me that it was okay to go home, and that it would probably make me feel good to have a nice sleep and shower in my own home….she was right. That night I ran away from the stress of it all, to the comfort of my home and into the arms of my old friend – caffeine, in the form of a diet coke. Mike and I ordered pizza, kicked up our feet and I remember cracking open that can like it was going to save my life….and that night, it tasted the best it had ever tasted – it only took one and I was hooked…just 10 hours after I had left him, and after several calls to the N.I.C.U to make sure he was doing well, I returned to the hospital to care for my son, feeling very refreshed and ready to stay in the parent room and take care of him – I was lucky to have that room, most people do have to go home every single day.

After we brought Jacob home from the hospital, I continued to welcome my dear friend to comfort me during sleepless nights and like a good friend she helped me feel regenerated after those early long nights but eventually the long nights went away but my friend stayed….I was hooked on her companionship as I had been in the years past. It should have come as no surprise to any of you that I was able to get off the “juice” the moment I got pregnant with Violet ( I had already drastically reduced when we decided to try and conceive) and much to my surprise I stayed off the diet coke (my own personal form of heroin) for some time after she was born….sadly, not too long after – the weather was cold, the days were long and I cracked open my first can and never looked back again. I wouldn’t say that the habit has gotten incredibly out of control as it has previously, but it is easily headed that way and so it’s time for me to take steps to kick this old friend to the curb once and for all.

I was watching the Oprah show yesterday and saw a clip where her buddy Dr. Oz was talking to a woman who drinks 9 litres of diet soda a day!!! 9 litres! If I ever thought my problem was at a maximum out of control level,I was certainly proven that there are addicts more addicted then I. I can’t recall exactly what Dr. Oz said but it was enough to invite me to start reducing and eventually eliminating the diet coke from my daily regimen so I’m starting with cutting back in the amount this week and then hopefully in the future my goal would be to only have diet coke when we go out to a restaurant or when we order pizza – I think that sounds like a fair deal right?

Heh. Look at me…..already making deals! It’s like making a deal with the devil really.